Expectations !

I've never hated a word like this "Expectations" !

for the gap it makes

for the distance it separates 

for the echo it plays in my ears

for every single moment I made one !

for the feeling of paralysed it brings to me !

why do I keep on expecting what I need from people ?

should they have manual guide for me ?

should they know exactly what I want and do it for me ?

should they be there for me every time ?

should I need them all the time ?

should they be my only power ?

could this be considered as a point of weakness ?

could that independent girl turns to be completely dependent on another someone ?!

it doesn't work with me

nothing works with me

no mental conversations

no heart beats

then what ?

nothing 

just ummm just what ? 

think or feel ? 

think about what ?

think about what annoys you ?

or about what you wish ?

feel what ?

love and care ?

or exactly what you need whenever you want ?!!

selfishness

another kind of it ..

may be

but when you somebody gets you used to something then stop, it hurts 

still selfishness ?

I don't know

I'm totally confused 

damn dreams when they crush into your reality 

damn when they came with all your fears

damn you when you can't stand up and face them

damn the unknown

enough ?

no,

damn the exact feeling of I need you can you hear me !

damn me when I expect you to understand my silence !

damn you when think that I'm in trouble and I need your help !

hell no, I need your care !

complicated along the way 

will never be understood

like a page on a book

will never be read

and even if

translation is not available 

hardest point when it's okay pass it

and it gets repeated 

only then 

it can't be forgotten 

the most hardest point

when it's all my fault

when you admit it !

yes, because I love you most I expect everything !

yes, I will never stop expectations even if you never stop frustration !

yes, I'm afraid of everything and the more I love you, the more I fear !